I'm terrible at making human friends. I always behave awkwardly. I can't handle feelings. I don't know how to react. I don't know if I should react. I don't understand anything. Gratitude is an itch I try to scratch with boxing gloves.
Meeting other humang beings has always been and will always be my main anxiety and my main problem. It's just too complicated. Even if the Internet helped a bit, at one point or another, you have to drop the mask... And as soon as people start to know me, I need to run and hide.
On the contrary, I love meeting animals. Wild and farm animals. Squirrels and rabbits, horses and donkeys but also birds and butterflies. I have a total aversion to cats and dogs, they're so degenerated, they just reflect humanity. No, I really don't like cats nor dogs.
When I meet a bird or a squirrel, I feel so excited. I want to communicate, I want to know what they think, who they are. I remember the first time we saw George (a red squirrel) close to our bedroom window, crawling on a log. How gorgeous. I had goose bumps, I was literally squeeking and drooling. Then he came closer and then he came for nuts every day... And he became our so dear friend. And he introduced Yiannis to us, another beloved red squirrel friend.
Recently I've met Poupoune. She's a dove that has been banged (probably caught in a fight or some nasty threesome). Some feathers are missing on her back, but she's doing fine. She has taken the habit to land on a flower pot we have on the edge of the window. I had seen her pick small seeds from the ground, and it wasn't long until she understood there was also some in the pot. She comes for her treat every day now... And she looks inside. George was doing that too. Looking inside, even pushing the window. It's hard not to open to get more interactions with those friends. For their benefit, I don't think I will ever open the window. They're wild and they should stay wild.
Wild means honest. There's no second thoughts. It's all clear game from the very beginning. If you do something wrong, hell, you will realize pretty quickly. They will sure let you know. Having wild "people" around is the only time I feel like I can be myself. Genuine. I don't have to think. I can just be and enjoy the company. It's such a great feeling of freedom and happiness.
Everytime I lost one of my wild friends, it was devastating. It left a painful scar and a sadness that won't go away. Of course I have pictures, memories, but still... It's gone. And I'm not good at handling the absence.
Most human beings, in my opinion, have lost the curiosity and the empathy they should have towards other species. They're just brutal, blind, selfish beasts (with a mobile phone). Will humanity change its ways? I would like to think so... Poor planet.
If my own life means anything, it's when I pick a butterfly or a bee off the road to put them on a flower somewhere safe so they can get better... When we change the water of the bird baths that are so useful to them. When the deers have a taste of our Swiss chards in the middle of a dry hot summer.
I'm glad I can make friends with all those lovely creatures. I'm one of them. And I love them.